O-Man Will Not Seek Amnesty For Illegal Aliens

Promises millions to promote broadband internet for poor communities

President Barack Obama assured television viewers yesterday
that he will not advocate blanket amnesty for illegal
aliens.

To do so, he said, would be unfair to those who are
following the rules and seeking to immigrate legally and
become naturalized citizens.

Referring to the system as a "creaking" antique that barely
functions, he went on to say, "In sum, the system is broken
and everyone knows it."

As to border security, the President praised recent efforts
to step up enforcement.

"We have more boots on the ground on the border in the
southwest region of the country that at any time in the
nation's history."

He said the government has doubled the number of enforcement
officers and tripled the number of intelligence analysts
deployed along the Mexican border during recent months.

Pundits immediately said the President is taking a middle of
the road approach to immigration reform. They pointed to
his condemnation of recently passed laws in Arizona and
several Texas cities that empower state certified policemen
to detain and turn over federal immigration authorities all
aliens they find a probable cause to investigate.

He said in practice the new laws will actually create more
crime problems because it will lead illegal aliens to let
crime go unreported because of fear if they speak up, the
police will investigate their immigration status and turn
them over to federal authorities for deportation.

The President will announce today that the government will
be spending $795 million in grants and loans funded by the
economic stimulus package to bring broadband internet
services to rural and poor communities.

"In total, tens of millions of Americans and over 685,000
businesses, 900 health care facilities and 2,400 schools in
all fifty states stand to benefit from the awards,"
according to a White House statement released in advance.